When Pushed to Your Limit, What Do You Focus On?
Sora region of Panama, October 2022
Chances are you have experienced a time when you’ve been so stressed by a situation that you reached a breaking point. For me, this happened a couple of weeks ago, while hiking to the Cascada Esterillo in Sora, Chame, Panama. I got so overwhelmed by a situation that I cracked. While I was not able to appreciate it in the moment, I learned a valuable life lesson. When you are pushed to your limits, what you focus on can determine whether you can find a way to move past the situation or get stuck and experience a breakdown.
It all started quite innocently. I was invited by a new friend to go hiking to a waterfall, here in Panama. Initially, I was a bit reluctant to go. While I am often very adventurous, I have a fear of heights that sometimes kicks in. (Technically, I am not afraid of heights, it’s more of a fear of falling from heights and ledges). The hike was rated as easy to moderate, 1.5 to 2 hrs to get to a beautiful waterfall where we’d stop and have lunch and then follow the same route to hike back. For a non-serious hiker, three to four hours was close to my limit. After some encouragement, I decided to go. Ultimately, this easy to moderate hike turned into spending over nine hours in the mountains.
Our group met early in the morning, drove together 40 minutes into a remote area, got in the back of a 4x4 truck, and drove another 25 minutes into the mountains to start our hike. Within the first 10 minutes of our trek, we hit our first obstacle. The rocky, downhill, path was covered with slippery, damp moss and we had to baby step sideways to keep from sliding. This was the first of MANY obstacles including: climbing over big rocks, sliding on loose gravel, navigating deep mud, traversing ledges, needing to hold onto a rope to keep from falling, avoiding trees with big thorns, and walking through almost knee-deep water. There was NOTHING easy about this hike. Some of it was moderate, but a lot was advanced.
Time and time again my fear of falling was triggered. I really struggled with the more treacherous parts. Several times when hiking next to a big drop off, I had to pause and breathe to calm myself down. On more than one occasion, I found myself frozen and our guide had come back to help me get past an obstacle. At one point we were going down a fairly steep area alongside a drop off. It was difficult to get my footing because the ground was loose dirt and gravel. I was too afraid to stand upright. Eventually I made it through the pass by sliding downhill on my butt while holding onto a rope.
Several times I was ready to throw in the towel and just quit. But where could I go? I was in an isolated, semi-jungle in Central America. No one hiked this area. (We found out later that our guide had received special permission.) Turning back wasn’t a viable option, the route so far had been treacherous enough with the guide’s assistance. It was infeasible that I could do it alone. Staying put and waiting for the group to pick me up on their way back was just as daunting. The only option that felt safe or feasible was to keep on with the group and face whatever obstacles appeared.
The hike kept going and going. Each time I got past a challenging section of the hike the relief was short-lived, within 15 minutes we’d be thrown another curveball. Since a few of us needed assistance with navigating the more challenging parts, it slowed things down considerably.
Throughout the journey, I kept saying to myself “You’ve got this”, “You’ve got this”, “You’re stronger than you think”. Sometimes this self-talk worked and helped me to push on. Other times I struggled with anxiety and freezing up. Ultimately I made it past even the most daunting obstacles.
It took us over 4 hours to reach the waterfall and I was exhausted. I was grateful to have a chance to relax for a little while and just enjoy being in such an amazingly beautiful place. The waterfall was incredible! My nervous system calmed down. I reflected on how I was able to get past every obstacle, even the ones that had triggered me the most.
Our guide suggested that since we had had so much difficulty hiking in, we would take a different route back that was longer but easier. At about 1:15 pm we started heading back. Believing that the worst was behind us, I trekked on, near the front of the group. As we headed along the river, we encountered rocks, had to walk through water up to our calves, and had to climb over things. At this point in the hike, with my new sense of self-confidence, I wasn’t even phased by these obstacles.
Then, about 20 minutes out from the waterfall, I saw something that stopped me in my tracks. The river ahead flowed into a rock crevice (see picture) that appeared to drop down for about 30-50 ft.
The Crevice
I was so focused on the deep crevice that I could not see any option other than to somehow navigate the rocks to go down into the crevice. There were no visible paths on either side and at first glance, it looked like the banks on either side were too steep to climb. My brain struggled to process what I was seeing. All day, every time we had come across an obstacle that seemed unmanageable, we kept going and somehow made it through. But this crevice was at a whole other level.
As I stared at the crevice in front of me, I froze in my path and involuntarily said out loud “No F$@!-ing Way”. I imagined the only way through was to scale down those rocks. All of the emotion of the day came up. I stood there in disbelief, visibly shaken.
The person next to me suggested that we relax and wait for the guide. A couple of minutes later he caught up and pointed to the steep hill on the side of the crevice, stating that we would be going that way.
I sat on the side of a rock with a few others, waiting for everyone else to catch up. Instead of calming me down, sitting had the opposite effect. My eyes kept drifting to the crevice in front of me. Even when I wasn’t looking at it, I found myself focusing on it and how scary it was. Despite knowing that we were going a safer way, the fear from the day bubbled up and I started having a panic attack. I couldn’t stop the emotion and I ended up in tears.
I focused on my breathing and calmed down somewhat. The others in the group tried to get me to stay seated and relax. Instead I heard myself say, just get me out of here and I’ll be ok. The climb to move on was steep but not nearly as treacherous as others we had faced. Even so, I still asked the guide to give me a hand. Once I got out of the area and stopped thinking about the crevice, I relaxed and felt better.
The remainder of the hike was long and challenging. Even though this was the “easier” route, the obstacles kept coming. We trudged on for four more hours, climbing, descending, crossing the river, and walking over awkward terrain. At one point my shoe went so deep into some disgusting mud that my foot came out of it. When I went back to retrieve the shoe, I had to put my now mud covered foot into the shoe that weighed an extra pound from the caked on mud. At another point, one of the guys had to lift me about 1.5 ft straight up, by the arm out of a steep waterbed. The guide had actually carried one of the hikers piggyback style up some of the steep hills towards the end. Fortunately, because I was near the front of the group I also got several chances to pause, look up, and appreciate the beauty of the mountains.
When we finally got out of the forest, less than an hour before dark, everyone was exhausted and several people had run out of water. We were all extremely relieved to see the 4x4 when we rounded the final bend.
Have you ever been pushed to what you believed was your breaking point? What did you focus on? Most of us will focus our attention on the obstacle. We are often so focused on the worst case scenario that we don’t even consider other possibilities. During the first part of the hike, when I encountered an obstacle I was focused on how to get past it. (possibilities) When I encountered the crevice, I was focused on how scary it was. (worst case scenario) This led to my panic attack.
In the two weeks since the hike, I’ve had a couple of situations that seemed overwhelming. In both cases, I reminded myself of what I was able to accomplish on the hike. I paused, breathed and allowed myself to get centered. From this grounded perspective, I was suddenly able to focus on finding a solution rather than on my fear. In one case, what had seemed overwhelming just a few minutes earlier now felt like no big deal. In the other, it still felt like a huge undertaking, yet I saw new ways to move forward.
My biggest take away from this experience: When you are pushed to your limits it is easy to believe that there is only one way out. Instead of focusing on the obstacles and limitations, pause, breathe, and ground yourself. Remember that there are almost always viable solutions other than the one triggered by fear or self doubt. When you ask yourself what is possible from a grounded place (or even better yet a meditative one), you might find yourself suddenly feeling more resourceful. Being centered and possibility focused can enable you to persevere in even the most challenging situations.