Tip 2: Choose the Most Authentic Option
One key lesson that I’ve learned in my 25 year journey is that authenticity is almost always the best long term solution. When faced with a challenging situation, our first response is most often self-protection. While this may seem to provide a short term benefit, it will usually cost you in the long run.
My 2nd tip: when faced with a challenging situation choose authenticity.
A couple of years ago, I was contracted to teach a 2-day agile course in Detroit. While taking an Uber to the airport, I received a last minute email from the client. It mentioned tomorrow’s “one-day course”. I had prepared for a “two-day” class so I reached out to my agency’s contact for clarification. Just before they closed the doors for take-off, I heard back. There had been a mix-up. They now needed me to teach a one-day course the next morning.
My first response was not noble. I am human. My initial thoughts were panicked, I needed to cover my ass. Even though the situation was in no way caused by me, as a trainer, my performance is ultimately judged by the students’ course evaluations. I focused on how I could end up not looking bad and keeping my reputation intact.
Can you relate to self-protecting or CYA when things go wrong?
About an hour after I got to my hotel room, I was finally able to reset. I paused, I breathed, and I centered myself. I took a moment to remember that this type of fear-based behavior no longer served me. I let go of my ego-based thoughts and focused on what was important: How can I make this class successful? What can I teach them that will give them the essence of the learning objectives? The great news, once I made a shift to a centered place, ideas started flooding in. I came up with ways to reorganize and rewrite ⅔ of the class, and made a late night run to Kinkos.
After the shift, I also chose authentic vulnerability as a strategy. I decided to use the situation as a teaching moment. The next morning, instead of pretending that I had everything under control, I started the day by telling the class what had happened. I was open and honest without blame or throwing anyone under the bus. I related the situation to the agile value of “responding to change over following a plan'' and to the 3 pillars of Scrum: transparency, inspection, and adaption. It was pretty scary. I had no idea how they would respond.
While the day was not perfect, things worked out well. One student made a comment that she had never seen that type of transparency. Throughout the day, I didn’t have to pretend. The students were very forgiving when I made mistakes. I connected with the group and most of my reviews were very positive. ( A couple of the reviews said that I “seemed scattered” and one said I “ wasn’t well prepared”. Based on the circumstances, I was ok with that).
As humans and as leaders, we are often faced with challenges that evoke fear-based thinking such as self-protection. It happens to all of us. Wanting to self-protect is normal and to be expected.
Moving past fear-based reactions is a powerful choice that requires courage and vulnerability.
When have you had a situation where your first reaction was to pretend or self-protect? If you are like most of us, you have experienced this both at work and in your personal relationships. Have you ever chosen authenticity instead? For example instead of saying what you think the other person wants to hear, choosing to say what is authentically true for you. Being authentic can seem pretty scary, can’t it?
Yet it can also be very powerful and freeing.
Authenticity is contagious. People around you will often start to share more of themselves, become inspired by you, trust you more, and be more willing to take risks.
In contrast, people who stay in fear-based patterns generally lose out in the long run. Think about the people and leaders that you most respect. When you see them go into self-protection do you respect them more or less? Leaders who are self-protecting often set a tone of mistrust, CYA, fear of failure, and unhealthy office politics in their organization. In relationships, pretending impedes true connection, often leading others to pull back and self-protect as well.
The next time you find yourself stressed by a situation, take a moment to pause, breathe and center yourself. Consider what would be the most authentic way for you to respond. Instead of staying with fear-based reflexes like pretending or self-protection, allow yourself to move forward with a solution that feels more aligned with who you really are.
When faced with a challenging situation choose authenticity
Julie Allen is a Leadership and Personal Transformation Coach who helps her clients lead powerfully and effectively, in alignment with their values and inner wisdom. [BoldAuthenticLeadership.com]
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